In the words of Michelle DeLano..
Friday, April 27, 2012
Effective Communication in Families
I enjoyed reading about the guidelines on how to communicate more effectively among families. First, it is important for relationships to invest the same amount of effort, known as “equity”. The book also mentioned the Social Exchange Theory, in which we are more satisfied with relationships when we see that the benefits from our investments outweigh the costs put in. Secondly, we should make daily choices that enhance intimacy. For example, we should put in that extra bit of effort, like showing up to our little sister’s ballet show even thought ballet may be boring. Though it is just a very simple gesture, it is the little everyday details that make a bond stronger. Another guideline is to show respect and consideration. Because we are so comfortable with our loved one, it is important to take them for granted, and be more vicious towards them than we would if our friends upset us. It is also vital to be assertive of our feelings, and emotions- both positive and negative in a respectful manner. Lastly, we should not sweat the small stuff. Since it is hard to change others and it seldom works, we can only change ourselves and control our perception of the situation. Rather than getting upset about someone’s bad habit, like being late all the time, we should keep in mind that we are not always perfect either and remember all the times they did not nag us for something small. We must learn to accept our loved ones and perhaps find ways to help them rather than bash on them for every disappointment that rises.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
The Constant Evolution of Marriage
Marriage is constantly changing as times are changing. I
believe that 50 years from now, marriage will be less prevalent and
cohabitation will increase, which we are already seeing now. I also believe
that marriage between two people, regardless of whether a couple is gay,
lesbian, transgender, etc. There will be no more controversy over gay marriage,
at least in the U.S.
I would also predict that there will be more strict rules on marriage as far as
age difference, since I know in a lot of other underdeveloped countries,
parents are allowed to set up their young daughters with men who even 50 years
older. I recently read an article on Yahoo!, where I learned that in Saudi Arabia,
there was a girl who was 8, that was forced to wed a 58 year old man. I also
think that roles in marriages will be more flexible and interchangeable, where
it will be more common for men to be more of the home caretaker than women and
women may be more of the dominant income source.
Family & Forms
Family
to me, is defined as the people I can count on to always accept, support, and
love me, regardless of my actions, behaviors, etc. In addition, family
describes the people I am stuck with, or rather, blessed with since we do not
exactly get to choose who we want to be in our family, but are born, or adopted
into them. Although I know this is not the case for everyone, this is what I
have learned through my family. I also see family as not just our immediate
family, but includes our closest friends that have been there for us through
thick and thin, that we can trust and confide in, and know they will always have
our backs. Families offer support, love, trust, advice, acceptance, etc. I
agree that families are no longer strictly blood and kin, but include other
types we form socially since not all blood families are ideal and healthy. I
found the descriptions of substitute, supplemental, convenience, and extended
families all pretty accurate. I think I have experienced each of these, especially
supplemental family since a lot of my close girlfriends are like the sisters I have
always wanted.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Primary Styles of Loving
There are three primary types of loving styles, which are Eros, Storge, &
Ludus. Eros is the spur of the moment, unexpected style, in which the
relationship is very fast-paced. In this style, partners are open to
self-disclosure at an early stage. In the Storge style of loving, the
relationship is very stable and lovers are compatible, like best friends. However,
Storgic relationships are less erotic than Eros relationships. The style,
ludus, is very playful. People who are ludic lovers see enjoy the attention and
adventure of falling in love, and enjoy the challenge. These lovers tend to not
want to settle down and is more common among men. The ludic lover reminds me of
a guy I was recently talking to. When we started talking, I was aware he was
not ready for commitment anytime soon since he had just gotten out of a 5-year
relationship. However, I later realized he enjoyed the attention and flirting
with girls and was able to like more than one person at the same time, which
was a big no-no on my terms.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Online Deception
I think it is definitely unethical to represent
oneself inaccurately. I agree with Gelder that deception is much more common and likely online than in
face-to-face interaction. Through the internet, it is especially easy to
falsely represent ourselves and completely recreate ourselves with strangers
and new friends we make through the internet. Since the person on the other end
of the computer screen can not see us in person, it allows users to take
advantage of this by using other people’s pictures and claiming they are ours,
lying and telling them we are of a certain profession or go to a more
prestigious school, etc. I personally do not like meeting people online and
keep friends on my social networks, like Facebook, limited to people I personally
know and have met face-to-face. If we are able to interact with a new person we
just meet face-to-face, it is a lot easier to analyze them and read their body
language and get a more realistic grasp of who they are.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Love & Commitment
There has been one relationship I can recall in which love
and commitment were not both present. This relationship was with one of my
ex-boyfriends, who I was with for almost two years. Everything was dandy and
perfect in the beginning, for the first year and a half. However, I think I
began to fall out of being in love
with him. Everything was great, but I grew bored. We saw each other
often, hung out with the same group of friends, and did everything together. It
was the same routine day in and day out, that even though I was committed, the
flame that was once there had died out and he was more of my best friend than a
boyfriend. Although I tried to hang on a bit longer for our flame to rebuild, I
couldn’t force myself to stay in love with him as much as I wanted to. Soon
enough, we broke up, which was a huge shock for everyone because from the outside, it seemed as
if we were doing so well. I can conclude that commitment and love work
interchangeably. Without love, commitment is not possible. If there is no love, there is not enough to keep a person from staying in a relationship and be "tied down" to one person. Without commitment,
the love is probably not wholeheartedly there.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Trust & Relationships
I really enjoyed reading and learning about the role of
trust in a relationship and how important trust is in establishing a healthy
relationship. I liked the definition of trust, which consists of two parts: 1. Having
confidence that others will be dependable and 2. Assuming emotional
reliability. I think I have always had a hard time describing trust in a
relationship, and this definition was very relevant to my relationship with a guy I have been seeing. I feel as if I cannot trust him, for he is not
dependable when he says he will be, and has a tendency to lie or does not tell
the entire truth. In addition, I feel he has lost all emotional reliability
with me and that he does not truly care about my overall welfare, but is more interested in his own personal welfare and benefit. I am a firm
believer in the quote, “actions speak louder than words”. He is quite the
talker and can be very convincing. However, I always find that his actions fail to
prove his claims, and I am constantly left disappointed. I am glad I have realized that a relationship is unhealthy and can never work if the trust is broken to a point where it can never be fully recovered.
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